Scared of the UnKnown

So I hope I have not used this title before..lol..but this topic is on my mind right now. Well, to be frank with you a lot is on my mind right now. Will I let is stress me out? No, well I won't try to but it's definitely something on my mind.

Once again it's the frustration I have with the opp. sex. I don't look at myself as being so complicated. I actually find myself to be very simple. Of course yes, I LOVE getting attention, but really I'm just simple and I really don't ask for a lot but I tend to feel like others see me like I DO ask for a lot, when I'm just asking what any other young woman would want. What is that? Well one is communication and the other is just acknowledgement. I'm a very busy person myself, one who gives a lot of her time to others but I do make time for certain things (i.e. a guy who I'm interested in getting to know).

Lately, it seems like men don't understand what balance is and in life that is something you need to learn or I really don't see how you will be able to live. You can't have tunnel vision the whole time, as you will watch your life pass you OR watch someone pass you by, one who is right there in front of your face.

I tend to always ask myself "What is wrong with you?" and my friends and family try and tell me it's not me, it's them but in the end I always see that there is something wrong with me. Hope your keeping up with everything because it's been a while since I have taken to this forum of "getting my feelings off my chest".

I sometimes wish that I acted more like a guy. One who does not care how they make the other feel and they just move on like it's nothing. Fact is there IS this guy who I really like and yeah..won't say too much about it as he may read this :-/ but basically in a nut shell I wish he would not be scared of the unknown. Hell, I know when it's time to get to know someone I'm like "geesh, I have to go over this alllllll over again" but you never know it may be worth it ya know?..Well, that's it for now..

Thanks for reading lovies :o)

Always That Same Girl...

Yes, it has been a minute since I had done a post on this site. Why? Well, I have been very busy and also..I really just did not know what to write about the other sex. It really has been a "no comment" kind of thing when anyone would ask me if I had a boyfriend or dating that "someone special"..well I have something to say right now..

I, Candice Nicole am TIRED of being that girl who a guy meets buy they are in a "situation" and says "if I would have met you before..." NO! Please STOP IT sir! I really am tired of it. It happens to me ALL the time and I'm like WHAT GIVES? Do I have a sign on my foreheard that says "men already in a relationship APPLY"? Nah, I don't but..they do. I always end up being to them "if things were defferent..." Like OMG! It really is starting to insult me that these men in "situations" if STEP to you, then they drop that bomb shell .."oh yeah..well I'm kind of in the situation.." I swear..

Am I sounding off right now? You DAMN RIGHT I am because I think it is utter bullshit! I know I deserve more and I will continue to focus on me and pushing forward, I mean that really is the only thing I have control over these days. Oh, and let me say this..no I don't go out looking for a man, they always come my way so please get the thought out of your mind that I somehow "find them". Nope, that is not it..these men come my way and then I am left with the questions of why did you EVEN come my way? Is this to teach me a lesson that I truly am a catch? That I need to be paitient and wait because there are many men who wish they had met me before thier "situation"?

SIGH..Who knows..

Daddy..Where Art Thou?

Yes I know this site is called "Luv N Ish" but this post has A LOT to do with my love life and lack there of it really..interested to take a read into the my world? By all means..come along, it may shed some light on how I react, why I am so persistant in everything that I do.



"Daddy, Where Art Thou?" Well see, I know where he is..He lives right off of the same main street I live on..he is really like only 15 minutes from me..but I do not see him. So, on Father's Day this day is depressing and sad..it leaves with the thoughts of "what did I do do that was so wrong that my OWN father doesn't want a relationship with me" It leaves me thinking "the ONE man I am supposed to count on was never there for me"..it leaves me thinking "I have to prove myself to everyman because I don't want to disappoint them and have them leave like my father did" but in the back of my mind if they do feel the need to move on, I always knew they would because every man seems to disappoint me.



A complex way of thinking right? Yes, I know..but I have been like this for years. How can a man not want to have a relationship with his own child? Not ready? Too scared? Eh, who knows and for sure I do not have that answer and do now want to sit back and even TRY to understand his thought process.

So, that leads me into my feelings of a man. I may sometimes come off as being "aggressive" but I am really just trying to let the person know my feelings and try to make them understand because I am a huge communicator. Maybe it's because of what I do but I think it's because I didn't have that communication with my father so I always want to make sure me and a guy are on the same page and if were not I want to fix it :-x..I really could go on and on about this topic because a lot of things will tie in..but for now this is it. I wonder if I could turn this blog into a book or something..I swear I'm not the only one feeling like this and I think me writing this is and will help someone, well I hope..till next time :o)

Thanks for reading Lovies!

-Candice Nicole

Being Alone is Something I Have to Accept

At this very moment and I mean this very moment I am fighting back tears but I want to let them fall..but I can't allow myself. Maybe later on tonight when I do some drinking they will fall..I mean the truth does come out then you know?

When I was 21, my BF at the time asked me to marry him..I thought my life my PERFECT! I was in college doing my thing, my BF was a starter on the football team and was destined to get in the NFL and I was like YES, this is it! Long story short, it didn't work out and on my 23rd birthday I basically was starting my life over again. Here I was 23 and was alone, I had the feeling of that no one else would want to be with me, but then someone came my way..he had actually known me from college and had been feeling me then but knew I was in a relationship so never said anything. Our relationship was a very passionate and intense one. I mean he was everything that my ex fiancee was not...but because we rushed into the relationship (and to think I was th eone who was fighting it at first but he kept on and I gave in) it didn't work. That was actually one of the shortest relationships I had been in. I think it was about 8 or 9 months. We still kept in contact with each other and he would tell me that he needed to get himself together, that he wanted to be more for me..he was stringing me along in a way and in a way I was letting him because I loved him and saw a lot for us in the future.. I finally just really had to take a step back and say "Candice, you deserve SO MUCH MORE" I mean I had to keep hope that there would be a man that would come my way that truly loved me and wanted to be with me, supported me, etc. There were other guys that I talked to but didn't have a relationship with and that was just BLAH...but now, I think I have to realize that I will just be alone in life.

What a horrible pill to swallow. I can't actually believe I am typing this right now but I am because that is what is on my mind. My heart is so heavy with emotion I feel like it's going to burst because of the heart ache and dissapoint that feelings brings upon me. I invisioned myself as someone's wife, one that would have a family, a dog, house (yeah sounds brady bunch right?) but that is what I want. However, at 25 that dream is fading away every year, every month, everyday, every minute, every second. How is it that everything else in my life is going well (the 9-5 makes me go crazy, but im blessed to be at one of the top ent companies inthe world) and the love life is at a stand still.

I mean there has to be someone out there right? Or will I just end up being an old maid? I feel myself fading away, like I'm losing myself sometimes. I know as you read this you will be very surprised that I have these thoughts. I know that you think the life I lead is fun and rewarding, as it is..but at the end of the day I am alone with my thoughts. It actually scares me to be alone with my thoughts, as they can be very dangerous for me. My mind is constantly moving so I find myself always needing something going on around me or I will go mad in my own mind. Is it that I'm just a creative person and that's what happens to us?

*SHRUGGS* who knows..but this thing called "LOVE" can be a bitch sometimes..but at the same time it can be very simple..I think it's the people that make it confusing and as I stated in my posts before (I think 2 post before this) one should be HAPPY in the life they are living..but right now as I sit here at my desk, I feel alone and think I will be alone forever..

Being Pushed Away..What Gives?

Well, I am back Lovies..with another entry. Someone told me that they really enjoy my writing and I should make this blog much bigger, but for now, I'm okay with just a few folks knowing about it. I will say that I am SO glad I decided to start this site because this is a great avenue for me to get my emotions out and most of the time ALL of my true feelings will come out in my writing, hey maybe one day I will start writing a book. I think I have a lot of valuable knowledge for young women and would love to share my various stories and how I ended up being such a "broken hearted girl"...but more on that later.

So after my post yesterday someone hit me up and said "you deserve to be a starter, not sitting on the bench" they began to tell me all of these great things they see and me and it made me felel nice, you know? I mean when anyone recognizes your worth that feels good, but especially someone who doesn't even know you like that.

Well anywho, this post is about being pushed away and for the life of me I don't know why folks want to push the people away who have been there for them. I was surfing the net looking for a picture on how I felt and I found this still shot from "Kung Fu Panda". I know most of you may laugh at it and I chuckled myself but yeah, that is how I feel..

yeah, a bit much huh? but that is it. Feels like being kicked in the ass kind of..like WHY PUSH SOMEONE AWAY WHO HAS BEEN DOWN FOR YOU? Someone who has ACCEPTED you and your flaws and many other things, but has stood by you. Hmm, how soon do people forget what you have done for them. It's not the first time that has happened to me. It's happend with a friendship where I felt like I was always getting the short end of the stick but when it's someone your talking to it's a whole other ball game. So what is a girl to do? Well, I chose to blog about my feelings now and maybe he will see it and understand how I feel. In the end it is what it is and if someone wants to end up miserable and ALONE in life, you can't place the blame on anyone else but YOURSELF...

So, to end this post I will say remember who has been there for you and who has been holding you down because eventually one will just ease up and let you walk alone..

Too Scared to Be HAPPY..Is This YOU?

So as I sit here writing this I have a lot on my heart. I will try my best to express my feelings in the correct way, so please bare with me. It may seem a bit jumbled, but that's how my emotions are right now..

At this very moment I am second guessing myself and my worth. I love this man who is too scared to be happy. I know and he knows he is unhappy with his situation in life right now but he is too scared to make a move..so do I make that move for him? Do I step away? Yeah, it's easier said then done. I know a lot of you will say "Candice..move one, he's not worth it" but deep down I know he is. I can see myself building with him (personal & business) I can see us being each other's best friend and confiding to each other about any and everything. I have ALWAYS been a person to fight for what I wanted and to take what I wanted, because in life nothing will be handed to you. However, when does it become too much? When do you know when to stop fighting? Would they fight for me?

I feel sorry for people who want to remain miserable and unhappy. You have one life and it is your DUTY and your RIGHT to make the best of it. Be blessed that you are here in this world. Yes, I know we all complain but at the end of the day we all need to consider ourselves being blessed and we need to be HAPPY. I have to say I found myself too scared to be happy once before but I woke up one day and said "why not candice" You have a lot to offer someone. Yeah, that is another thing..hoping that someone will know your worth..and all I have to say about that is "if you dont see his/her worth, someone else will" and "another man's trash can be another man's treasure"

If you want to constantly hang someone out there to dry they will eventuall dry off and walk away.......

So all I can say is that if you do find someone that makes you happy, hold on to that person because you don't know when you will find it again..so I guess it goes back to the orginal question "Too Scared to Be Happy?"..I guess the future will hold that answer..

Thanks for reading Lovies
-Candice Nicole

Meeting Folks on the Internet..Does It Work For You?

Okay, so this was on my mind at this VERY moment. I wonder how many people really do meet their soul mate or someone special to them on the internet. I mean we have a HOST of social sites now and it's not looked as the "weird" thing to do now. Nowadays, folks have 2-3 jobs they are holding down and when they get home they are too tires to go out & mingle. It's much easier to get online and chat to folks. I guess it's on my mind because I have actually met a lot of nice guys on the internet and I'm like "WOW, where have YOU been?" LoL..I nean has it ever happend to you?

This really isn't going to be a long post as I just wanted to get this off my chest..but I will leave you with a song that's on replay for me ;o)

Long Distance Loving..

Okay, so this topic just RANDOMLY poped into my head, really it did. I was sitting here CRAAAZY bored at work and said "hmmm, long distance..does it work?"

Well, I had a long distance relationship before and NO it did not work. It didn't work because the trust had been broken in the relationship and I tried to get by that, but nope didn't work. However, I know a lot of people who do have long distance relationships but I don't know if I could try that again. I mean you NEVER know what the other is doing. Damn the always calling/texting ish..you don't know what their doing..but I guess if you have the trust that is all you need, or maybe they have that "don't ask, don't tell" in the relationship?

Hmmm makes you sit back and think. I mean would i REALLY want to know if the person I love so much has another fling going on in his city? Nah, I don't think I would..Well, what are your thoughts?

One Night Stand..Where Do You Stand?

Oh yeah, I am going there with this post. Why? Well, it ACTUALLY crossed my mind this weekend on my ski trip. Now, I won't go into too many details becase the rule of the trip was "What happens on the slopes, stays in the slopes" but I will touch on the "ONE NIGHT STAND" theory. I am a 25 yr old young lady who is pretty open about any "sexual talk". I mean why would you want to hide that? Anywho, I found myself in situations where I could have had a one night stand, or should I say "stands". However, I stoped myself. I WANTED to go there, but then I didn't, if that makes any sense. I think sometimes you have such a strong sexual attraction with people it JUST happens.

HOWEVER, I think I was thinking too much about it. I mean really a one night stand doesn't make you less of a person. You were just caught in the moment of passion and you expressed it with another human. Anyone would like to have a night of passion right? but at what cost? You may be thinking "hmmm, now what does THAT mean?". I mean at what cost of being talked about by other males who THINK they could have a one night stand with you. That would be a NEGATIVE! In my book, just because you may have had a one night stand with a man DOES NOT mean you will have another with just anyone who "hears" about your act. Hell, I have heard that some so called "ONE NIGHT STANDS" have turned into a nice relationship, so who knows. All I know is that I stoped myself, I thought "No Candice, you can't do that, it will mess with you afterwards" Or was that me just thinking too much into it? I don't know..can you tell me?

QUESTION: Have any of you had a "ONE NIGHT STAND"? What happened?

MUSIC for your PLEASURE: "One Night Stand" by J-Shin feat. Tasha Scott (of Xscape)

One Night Stand - J-Shin

Do You Live For YOUR Man?

Well, I hope not but sad to say I know some females who seem like they live for their man. To the point where if it didn't work out I don't know what they would do with themselves. It's pretty sad if you ask me and I never want to slip into the "living for my man" category.

Now, you may wonder what sparked this right? Well my co-worker send me this email and it was titled "Never Live Your Life for a Man". Below, I will add what is said. EVERYTHING is there is TRUE. Please DO NOT SKIM IT LADIES.

"Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you trulyhappy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you asyou deserve then NO, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing youalong, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will getbetter." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying whenthings are not better.The only person you can control in a relationship is you.Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of differentwomen. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would hetreat you any differently? Always have your own set of friendsseparate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. Ifsomething bothers you, speak up.Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. Youcannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVERmake him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has moreeducation or in a better job
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothingless.Never let a man define who you are.Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheaton you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.All men are NOT dogs, But Most ARE! You should not be the one doingall the bending... compromise is two way street.You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cuteabout baggage...Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationshipconsists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary,notSupplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss yousometimes... when a man always know where You are, and you're always
readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move intohis mother's house.Whether it's a car or his actionsNever co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't giveyou everything that you need and want.Keep him in your radar but get to know others. This will either makeyou smile, rethink your current situation/choices, and another womanprepare, and a man aware. If a man wants you, nothing can keep himaway. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition(or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselffor a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better in all Cases."

Nuff Said. THOUGHTS?

Not Happy? Why Stay?

So, I will admit. It's been a MINUTE since I have updated this site. Was it the lack of topics? NOPE! Lack of time? Perhaps..but I'm BACK! When I was actually planning on coming back I got really sick and I'm still not 100% now but I'm making it do what it has to do :o)

The topic, "NOT HAPPY? WHY STAY?" It's such a simple phrase, makes it seem easy right? WRONG! Something so simple is something that is actually very confusing. I had the honor to host a mini brunch for my Mommy's 50th birthday and I was surrounded by such beautiful, strong black women but when the discussion started I couldn't believe how many were NOT happy. Now, I'm not saying their not happy about everything, but each one had something going on in their life and it always dealt with the other sex. It amazes me how much women have to deal with these days. I'm 25 and I'm like "man, will a man ever come my way who is worthy, who will understand me, will know my worth AND his?" I still think it will happen, I'm NOT a bitter woman, I love "love", but the question is how much do you love "love" to not be happy?

I am ALWAYS the first one to be like "uhhhh, not dealing with it..BYE!" Now I know that ius not always the correct way, but life is too short for me NOT to be happy and because of one person? No thanks! Yes, I know when you get married things get complicated, but you should be happy. You should not think your the only one in the marriage. I mean if so, then "WHY DID GET YOU EVER GET MARRIED?". I don't know folks, help me out. I mean really, it's 2009. If you are not getting something you want out of the relationship then move on. BE HAPPY.

*MOVIE SUGGESTION*

Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?"

Movie of the Weekend: "LOVE & BASKETBALL"

In the middle of "Love Day" and all AND All-Star NBA weekend going on I thought I would do a movie of the weekend. So, here is "Love & Basketball". This is a CLASSIC love story. Through all of the ups and downs these two just seemed to be meant for each other. A thought I actually do think about. You know when you have someone in your life for years and you keep coming back to one another. I wonder sometimes if the person I may interact with is my soul mate and we just have not crossed where the truth will come out. Makes you go Hmmmm, but yeah if you have this movie, pop it in and feel good :o)

Below is my FAVORITE scene from the movie. I love the song they play and in the end it really is "double or nothing". Enjoy my Lovies!

She's A MANEATER! [2009 Edition]

So, with today being "Valentine's Day", I thought I would launch "Luv N Ish". It's an idea that I developed while talking on Twitter about 3-4 days ago. I was going on and on about how females act when it comes to females and the dumb ish they do (in my opinion) and a light bulb went off like WAIT! You may have something here. Start a blog where you can freely talk about what is on your mind in the "love/relationship" area..so here we are. Hopefully folks will like the concept and also voice their opinion. This is not a place where I want folks to JUDGE. Just simply read, comment (if you like), laugh, cry, share with others. So, now that I have that out of the way..let's get into my first topic :o)

I know you may be thrown off by the "MANEATER" thing right? Well, point is, females can be that way and thus give the other good batch of us a bad rap. I just decided to use that word instead of "goldigger". I can't even think of how many females I have come across lately that just want to USE a man for what he can BUY for them. Mind you, these are females who have a job and make their OWN money, so why are you chasing after someone else's and especially a mans? In my opinion, it's very sad. What happened to women having pride in buying themselves their own things? I mean I get excited when I go to the MAC counter and drop like $80-100 every time. Why? It's my OWN money, money that I work everyday for. I take pride in when I can go to an upscale restaurant with my girls and pay for my own meal, go on trips, buy my own shoes etc. Now, one may read this and say "Oh, she's going off on an independent trip" but I'm really not. I'm simply stating the facts and I hope that this post will hit home with someone, because when did it become cool to try and live off of someone else's hard work? So, my two questions are:

LADIES: Have you ever been guilty of being a MANEATER?
FELLAS: Have you ever dated a MANEATER?

Disclaimer

Please take note that these are my opinions and I am not here to pass judgement on anyone. Please have fun with the site.

Contact

Tell me what YOU think of "Luv N Ish" What can I add? Do away with? Advice? Idea on a topic? Please send to luvnishinfo@gmail.com

About

"Luv N Ish" is a site where you can discuss exactly what is at hand, which is "Luv N Ish". Am I looking to become an expert in this? No. I'm just a young lady who is 25 and has A LOT to say about the topic of "Luv N Ish". Please use this as an open forum. You have something you want me to discuss? Let me know! Enjoy!